Whilst most illnesses are “invisible” in the sense that others can not easily see our illness from the outside looking on, this does NOT mean our illness is invisible to us.
Rather, I see it everyday when I look in the mirror.
I see the tiredness in my eyes that won’t open past halfway.
I see the fatigue in my pale matte complexion that I add copious amounts of blush to cover.
I see my frailty in the skin and bone that sharpens my frame.
Sometimes when I look at my reflection, all I can see is my illness.
This is the side of chronic illness no one talks about.
The moments when you no longer recognise yourself because it looks like the life has been drained right out of you.
When you feel like a ghost in your own body.
Our illness takes so much from us and it can take our sense of self image too.
I’m not exactly sure when people stopped telling me I looked beautiful and started telling me I looked tired… but it was a long time ago.
When beauty is so often associated with health, why wouldn’t our self esteem take a hit?
Surely I do not emit a radiant glow.
Even though most of the time we’re trying hard just to make it through the day rather than worry about the reflection in the mirror, I’m here to say, it’s okay if you do.
Of course something that so drastically impacts each aspect of our life is going to affect how we see ourselves… literally.
When we feel so sick it’s easy to see our illness looking back at us rather than the person there. Maybe some days we don’t recognise ourselves because it isn’t our true self that we “see.”
Comments